if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My feet surprised me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
