Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
