i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
