finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
