Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
