Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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