So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His hands were made for my vagina.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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