My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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