Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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