I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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