Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
