dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
