Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
