You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
