I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
