you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
