But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
