Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
