Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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