Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
