It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
