Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
