Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
