you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
