god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
