I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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