I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize