i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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