Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
