so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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