I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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