Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
