If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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