i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
