We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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