I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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