at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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