I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
