I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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