Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you never un-have a 4some
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize