just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
