I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
