i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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