i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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