so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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