As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
