I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
