It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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