Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
