The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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