An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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