i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
