I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
