We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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