didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
