Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
