I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
