Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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