I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
