BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sext me about skeletons
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
