Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
