Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
