I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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