I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
