I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
