how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
