Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
